To write love on her arms.

xoxo,
Jolin Chew ♥

(Source: lovequotesrus)

OMG ♥♥♥

:((((( 

Hi everyone. This is blogging from my phone, because I’m not home yet.. And I’m practically quite drunk now.

Guess what I’d just found out? I found out that my boyfr is trying v hard to get in contact w his ex-girlfr recently. He will get pissed when his friend wanna meet her and yea, just very affected over her.

That’s probably why he’d been giving me cold treatments and ignored me. I know no matter what I do or say, I’m not going to have the one I knew whom he was to be back..

He told me he was ready for a new rs.. But right now, I know he is not. He is still v much in love w her. I’m just an replacement. Probably worst than that. Because apparently, I failed to replace her.

I know this rs is falling apart. I know we’ll end it sooner or later.. I know.

But I just don have the courage to initiate the break up. Because if I do, I know I’ll lose him. How? Please… I need someone to talk to. I wanna cry~ :’(

Torn apart. Once again. 

Once again, i felt torn apart. I don know who i can turn to, to talk about what’s been buried in my heart. If i talk to him, he will say i’m very irritating, i’m acting like “her”. If i talk to my friends, they will laugh it off and tell me “who ask u so fast jump into a rs” kinda wet blanket words. So the only option i left is this pathetic space.

Now i understand why people will tell me this, “starting is v sweet one. He will do/say anything. But it won’t last long. trust me, jol.” :( yes, i know what people is trying to tell me. I just didn’t expect it to be happening this fast.

Days by days, the feel of not being tgt, not boyfr/girlfr is getting stronger. It is accumulating everyday..

I hate to face all my colleagues, my friends when they ask me, “where is your boyfriend? not meeting him? he never come pei you?”, etc. By telling them you’re busy working 24/7 until you can’t even meet me for 2-3 hours for a lunch or dinner, or come over to accompany me. I gasped, and my heart sunk silently.

I don want to talk to you face to face, sms, calls or fb chat, because you’ll close the whole topic with, “don think too much, nothing” or we will start quarreling. You told me not to find fault or find quarrels with you. Anything, we will talk things out properly and fix it. But. Are you there to listen when i wanna talk? Are you there to lend me your shoulder when i need one to lean on? Apparently, no.

Yes. You may not know how much you’d changed compare to the past. You may not realize how much you’d neglected me and how drifted we’re. But i’m a girl, a very sensitive one. I can see the changes. I can feel the difference. But no matter how hard i tried to get the message to you, you will never receive it. Sigh. What else can i do, please enlighten me.


Sign of change 1:I see macdonald, it reminds me of how you really make the effort to make a trip down to my workplace and give me lunch. Time to time, you’ll ask me what i want for lunch, and you will buy down for me. You told me, you’re my multi boy. I see lollipops, it reminds me of how you took it out from your pocket and gave it to me just because it is hello kitty and you know i like it. I see royce chocolate, it reminds me of how you went to buy it and came back and gave it to me just because i told you it was nice.

I smiled. I was very happy back then.

Now, i don get surprises anymore. Even birthday. I got a cake from you, not because you wanna do it from your heart. Is because i quarreled with you, and you should know. And i think multi boy probably got banged by a car, because he never appear ever since.

Sign of change 2:You will always find time to meet me. Even if it is a 2-3 hours thingy. I waited for u to end work at 10pm, 11pm? and we went to eat, then i headed home. You wake up, you will want to come and find me..

I was contented.

Now, you can don meet me for 5 days or in fact even more days. And when i ask, you’ll tell me, “i’m busy. I need to work”. You need to work, obviously yes, i can understand. But not 24 hours right. No time to meet for a simple dinner, or lunch. But can spend 4-5 hours at home dota, idle around.

Sign of change 3:Even when i did not ask you to call, or when i don expect you will call. Even if you’re sleeping, you will set your own alarm and wake up to call me. You will always give me morning call, make sure i won’t be late for work.

I appreciated these simple sweet actions.

Now, you don’t anymore. Even when you played dota until morning, even when you’re awake at that timing.. you don’t do it anymore. When i asked you why. You told me, “because you can wake up yourself alrdy what!” . But i believed it is not about whether can i or not. I ever think of purposely don set alarm, and fail to wake up.

Sign of change 4:We will always be texting each other. Long texts. Sweet talks. Fast replies. And when that annoying phone or reception problems occur, you didn’t receive my texts, you’ll send your previous texts again. Or you will send me texts, telling me you didnt receive with a :( . Sweet good night and good morning texts.

I wanted to get your attention so much.

Now, if i don text u, u probably won’t text. Or will, 1-2 lor, will not exceed 5-10 a day. Short sentences. Replies can slow up to 1-2 hours then can receive. And when u didn’t receive mine, you will take it as i haven reply and don bother. Until i text you another one after 5 hours. You then tell me, “oh. the last text was ……., that one i never receive leh.” .

Sign of change 5:We will chat for hours until 6am, despite we’re tired/sleepy and is working morning the next day. Even while we’re texting.. Time to time, you’ll call and talk to me. Even if it is a 2-3 minute short chat. Definitely more than 5 calls a day.

I always smile widely at my phone screen, when i see it was you calling.

Now, 1-2 calls a day. And i haven’t hear your voice for 3 days. Means you didn’t dial my number for 3 days alrdy.

Sign of change 6:You will text me saying i’m pig, etc. 2-3 texts while i’m having my nap. And when i woke up, i read. i smiled. I love seeing you getting worried for me when you can’t find me for 12 hours. Every hours got 2 miss calls, and i still have that screenshot in my phone. Few texts. Post fb, tell people i went missing. Find my friends, see if they know where had i been to.

That day, my heart melts. I didn’t know there is someone out there who care for me so much. I didn’t know there is someone there that i can safely rely on him.

Now, I can sleep up to 12 hours. No texts no calls, nothing. The most, only 1 miss call.

Sign of change 7:Facebook. I can simply go to “see friendship” and happily view back all the sweet posts, comments, likes.. And i’ll never get bored of it. Everyday, i smiled when i see notifications has your name.

Now, no more. you don even bother to like, to comment. People commented on your post, you replied. I commented, you ignore and reply only to friend’s comment. Last time, i go comment “hahaha”, you also will reply me, “dear, you hahaha what.” Now is literally ignore and reply only friend’s de. I spammed your wall just now, my brother beside me say, sweet eh. but u did nothing to it also. I find fault, you told me, “i inactive in fb alr” .

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If i want to continue stating the changes, it will goes neverending. So i think i should stop.

And whoever that reads this… will never know how heartbroken i was, and how much i teared while typing this. You will never know.

I’m lost. I’m speechless. And the only reason i can find to this whole thing is because, you never love me from the start. It begins with a game, so it wouldn’t last. It was just you, being lonely and need someone there. Now you got bored. It wasn’t love. - And while typing this whole chunk, i was hoping you’ll come telling me i was wrong, and you do love me. Sigh…..

I don want to come to a day, whereby i’m left with no choice and have to let go this relationship. But what’s left for me to hold on in this relationship? My feelings. I love you.

Nights are getting colder, and i’m always so lonely. I miss the old you and us, very much.